


Drowning - Suicidal Lance

by StarENyte (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Langst, M/M, Suicidal Lance, Suicide, fludd - Freeform, klangst, suicidal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22854493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/StarENyte
Summary: Cold.Everything hurt. The water pierced into his lungs, he was desperate to escape. But it was ruthless, pounding frigid blocks of ice into his chest, knocking him over. He was a liar, a stupid one at that: And jumping from a cliff was the worst mistake he could ever possibly have made.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 85





	Drowning - Suicidal Lance

**Author's Note:**

> This is a creation much like, "I'm Nothing Without You - Klance Angst," so be sure to check that out if you haven't yet.  
> INCLUDES SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS

"Lance, you messed up. Again," Shiro scolded.

"I...I know," Lance muttered, wiping the sweat off his face as he grabbed his bayard. "I'm just having a rough day, that's all-"

"A _rough_ day? We have to face Zarkon, we have to be ready. For anything," Keith glared. "I know it might be hard, but this is our responsibility. It's life or death," He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Listen. Training is important. If you get past level 5, maybe you can come join us," he motioned, pointing at Pidge and Hunk.

Lance stopped to look around, slowly realizing that they were all way past level training session 5, while he was stuck on four. _Maybe not, maybe..._ he dared to think. 

With a sense of dread, he looked up at the level scores. But once he peeled his eyes open, reality came crashing back down.

**Pidge Holt - Green Paladin:**

**Level 8**

**Keith Kogane - Red Paladin:**

**Level 9**

**Shiro - Black Paladin:**

**Level 10**

**Hunk - Yellow Paladin:**

**Level 7**

**Lance McClain - Blue Paladin:**

**Level 4**

The giant, bolded words seemed to glare at him, sneering and calling him names.

**Lance McClain - Blue Paladin:**

**Level 4**

He wiped his eyes. This couldn't be real. He had tried so, so hard to be as good as they were.

**_Lance McClain - Blue Paladin:_ **

**_Level 4_ **

Despite the fact he felt like crumbling to pieces, Lance gave Keith a smile because it was easier to pretend that he was someone else.

"Gotcha, mullet," he joked. Keith turned around.

"Stop."

And the red paladin left.

Lance heard his footsteps echo down the hallway, as loud as hail falling into the deep dark pits of a gutter.

And Lance just stood there. 

He _stood there._

"Mission! A robeast is attacking this area! We need Voltron, now!" Allura demanded, the speakers almost cracking up in signal due to her projection of voice.

Lance sighed as he begrudgingly got up, following along the path and getting into his blue lion.

"Hey Blue," he said. "How've you been?"

No response.

He _always_ got a response. 

"Blue?" He asked.

Silence.

_Maybe she's having a bad day..._

Lance started the engine, sighing as he headed out.

The ride on his Blue Lion was rough. She wouldn't listen to his commands, no matter how politely he asked her.

"Lance!" Pidge screamed. "Get a hold of Blue!"

"S-sorry!" He said. "She's not-"

" _Lance,"_ Shiro warned. "Get a grip. We have to go,"

Lance sighed, looking from his sleek control keys to the horizon.

"We have a robeast coming ahead," Keith pointed out. 

Looking up for once, he closed his eyes and tried to gain control of his lion. He just had to focus. 

_Think calm..._

Gentle ocean waves crashing, water bubbling at your feet, the refreshing water lapping playfully against your face. As he said encouraging words, the moment he opened his eyes he seemed to come back to reality and realize what was going on.

And faster than light, the robeasts long and coiled arms launched up at Keith and Shiro's lion, ready to strike as the lion's backs were turned. The impact was seemed so strong that Lance was certain something would happen to them.

As bad as they had been to him, they were family. He was accepted.

_I am accepted..._

_I am accepted..._

It was a continuous mantra in his head, thinking that if he thinks it, it could be true.

He went in front of the arm that was ready to pound against the lion's, shielding Shiro and Keith.

But as he did, the mantra disappeared.

_I am-_

**But are you, really?** A forbidden part of his voice rang in his head.

And at the last minute, he turned his lion around and it hit the side of Blue, as Lance tumbled down.

Like dominos, he knocked over Keith and Keith knocked over Shiro, all three of them bruised and grazed.

After the mission, it was quiet the rest of the way.

_Why can't they just yell at me already?_

The silence scared him. It was as if the world was holding its breath, just ready to release.

"I cannot believe it. I... I just can't even-" Pidge sighed.

"Lance. What was that?" Keith demanded. 

Shiro was silent. This meant he was going to either explode or leave. None of the options sounded good to him.

"Answer me," Keith said. "Why did you just- freeze up?"

_I_ **_didn't_ ** _freeze up! You and Shiro we're about to be crushed, so I had to stop in front of you so you wouldn't get hurt!_

"S-sorry," he said, unable to make eye contact. His response was a curse from Keith. "I'm really, really, s-" 

" **SORRY...?!"** Shiro exclaimed. "What do you mean by, 'sorry?' Lance," he threw his hands up. "Why did you just freeze up? We could have been killed! _Died! Because of_ ** _you._** I- I cannot believe you. Go to your room. Or go train. Anywhere where you're not up in my face."

_Useless._

_Could have died._

_Your fault._

_Get out._

"I'm sorry, Shiro. I had to go in front of you, or else-"

"IN FRONT IF ME, HUH?! Then why did you say you let me be leader? I-"

Shiro never yelled. He scolded, but yelling was...

" _Shiro,_ please, let me explain-" he was now begging, almost on his knees. It hurt him, seeing his leader, his _idol_ so disappointed in him.

"Lance. My last warning."

"Shiro, I had to or else you could have died-'

"JUST SHUT UP!" Shiro screamed, slapping him across the face so hard that the sound echoed throughout the room.

Lance almost cried. He felt hot tears welling up inside him, his cheeks burning from the pain, and at that moment all he wanted that moment was his mom's arms around him to protect and comfort him.

Shiro's mad expression died down to horror. He had slapped him- with his Galran hand. "Lance, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Shiro. It was my fault anyway. I'm going to go train. Far away, just as you like, sir."

And he didn't even say it as a joke.

"Lance-"

But he was already gone.

_______________________________________________________________________

"Lance, you are a stupid, worthless piece of shi-" He groans, slamming his book down on the tile floor.

"Lance, dinners at 6."

"I'm not hungry," he lies, refusing to make eye contact with Keith.

"You have to eat-"

"I'm fine, really. Have fun." He said, while punching the bag next to him.

The moment Keith leaves, he heads over to his room, to stop.

And there, he cries.

He cries so much that his sleeves are soaked, his neck is sweaty and face is covered in snot. And he can't stop crying, the tears won't stop. They tumble out of his eyes in a continuous flow, not stopping.

He hears a knock on the door.

"One second," he sighs and goes to wash his face and plants a smile on his face.

"Shiro, what do you need?"

"Are... are you sure you're okay? I-"

Lance laughs, lying as he says, "I'm fine. Better than ever, really. I just skipped dinner because j think I had a little bug. That's all." 

"Oh..." Shiro scratched the back of his neck. "Listen, I'm sorry-"

"No, _no,_ it's fine. I understand now." 

He was lying so much that he could almost taste it.

"Alright," Shiro left the room.

And not a second too soon, Hunk comes to knock on the door, saying, "Hey. We're going to the Space Mall. Wanna come?" 

Lance smiled, for a second, but a heavy pain in his chest throbbed through his head. "Nah," he said. "I'm good,"

Lance finds himself on a cliff.

His hands painted with blood.

And a scalpel in his hands.

He actually did it.

Tears tumbled down his face without permission, like a soap bar slipping out of your hands. 

But the cuts felt so good...

"Being a fake person is hard," he says aloud, to no one in general. "Having to make up stuff so people actually pay attention to you."

"But..." he chokes.

_I'm not going to cry._

"...but being a fake person in life is easier-"

and he cries again.

Because his face is now covered in blood.

"...Mom," he cries. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

And to Shiro, who was once his role model. "I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry I..."

Then Keith.

He had liked Keith since the Garrison. His violet eyes were not something to be taken for granted. "I guess being bi does have its perks..." he joked to himself.

Lance got up, wiping most of the blood on his pants and looking over the horizon of the cliff.

The water looked gentle.

The bubbles seemed to be singing.

And he could have sworn a fish smiled at him.

"Maybe..." He took a step closer to the edge of a cliff.

Lance couldn't think straight.

Having being sleep-deprived with no food and a great loss of blood, he steps closer.

"I can join my friends..." he mutters in a fantasy.

How _sad_ would it be if you came to the meadows to find a Cuban boy covered in blood, crying, with a scalpel in his hands trying to jump off a cliff?

_No one could imagine._

Except: 

Keith Kogane.

Keith was walking around the green fields, quietly humming to himself a lullaby from his mother, when he found a boy with short brown hair and blue eyes in a plunge, stepping towards the ledge of a cliff.

"Excuse me, what are you-" he began quietly. If the boy fell, it wasn't his problem.

Then he saw his face.

His beautiful, tanned skin. 

Lance.

...Lance

" **LANCE!"** He screamed, rushing over and reaching out his hand. 

Questions flooded his head.

What was he doing here?

His friend, his _brother,_ his...

No.

_I don't like him... do I?_

But that question soon slipped his mind as he held onto Lance's hand.

"Lance...!" He screamed. But he kept walking. " Lance, please!"

Step.

Step.

Step.

And Lance fell.

Lance never expected the water to be so...

Cold.

  
Everything hurt. The water pierced into his lungs, he was desperate to escape. But it was 

ruthless, pounding frigid blocks of ice into his chest, knocking him over. 

The water wasn't gentle- it was a storm, begging for mercy. The bubbles only choked him more, as he came back to the realities of life once more. 

Why am I here?

Lance panicked. It wasn't something that he should have done, but he did it. He was so, so scared.

The water filled his lungs, his chest aching with pain and hot tears streaming down his face.

Then he gave in.

"...Lance?" 

_W-What?_

"Lance,"

He opened his eyes, finding himself on a white linen bed with Shiro and Keith looking at him. Keith was soaked in water, Shiro holding bandages and his hands speckled with blood.

"Hey," Shiro smiled. "Are you okay?"

_Agh... my head._

"N-no," he said. And it was the truth.

"What... what happened?" A voice asked from behind: Pidge.

"I think Lance should explain," Keith said.

"Do... do I have to?"

A nod from Hunk was his response.

"I..." he started. "I hated myself. I hated Voltron. I hated being homesick. I hated you all for a period of time. I hated Altea and everything, I just want to go back home, you know?" He sobbed, running his hands through his hair. "Live for myself... and I'm one of the younger ones! Of course, it's easier on you, Shiro," he confessed.

Silence.

"God, I messed up again," Lance started, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm-"

He was stopped with a kiss.

He looked up, now staring at beautiful, violet pupils.

"What...?"

But he kissed him back because he wanted this for so long.

"I'm sorry, too," Keith cried. 

"We're all sorry," they all cried, embracing him.

and for once?

For once, he was happy.


End file.
